It's so peculiar how one moment you feel like you have everything under control — you know what you want, your thoughts are clear and stable and you're basically.. content. Not ecstatic, but contentment will do. It's so peculiar how all those feelings you have towards yourself can change in a matter of hours.
I guess I never saw it coming, even if I did I shunned the idea away believing that it will never be the right decision.
I guess my right mind decided to take a little vacation when I said yes. I knew.. I fucking knew whatever that was about to happen would mess me up so badly. Last night opened a floodgate from the past, and I didn't know how to feel about it. Now I don't know what I want, I don't know how to feel and I certainly do not feel at all content. What sucks is that I thought I was over this. I thought.. I thought I was a lot better now. I thought I'd never have to feel this way about you again. I don't even know what these feelings are to be honest, I just know that I'm confused.
I guess my right mind decided to take a little vacation when I said yes. I knew.. I fucking knew whatever that was about to happen would mess me up so badly. Last night opened a floodgate from the past, and I didn't know how to feel about it. Now I don't know what I want, I don't know how to feel and I certainly do not feel at all content. What sucks is that I thought I was over this. I thought.. I thought I was a lot better now. I thought I'd never have to feel this way about you again. I don't even know what these feelings are to be honest, I just know that I'm confused.
I thought I was alright. But all I am now is a confused 22 year old girl who doesn't know how to fix herself.
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