Betrayal

Imagine getting screwed over by a guy.
Now imagine getting screwed over by a guy who was supposed to be your friend.


It's honestly starting to get so amusing yet sickening as to how ridiculously often I experience the same shit with different guys. Maybe I thought "Hey, he's a friend. It could be different - it should be different right? He can't possibly intentionally hurt me".

Oh boy, was I wrong. I was so fucking wrong.

The thing that makes me extremely disappointed is honestly the fact that we were friends. We. Were. Friends. Friends shouldn't be fucking over friends, right? You'd think that by having a friendship there would be a level of respect for the other person. I hate that I was so blind sighted and I really put my trust into this friendship that I allowed for him to manipulate it and use it for, honestly, his own benefit.

He tells me he fell for someone.
And I cannot even hold this against him cause we can't control who we like.

But then he says he initially wasn't looking for any commitment.
After attempts of sliding into my DMs.
After excessively taking care of me while we were out drinking.
After kissing me first.
After continuously flirting with me.
After telling me that he was attracted and interested.
After asking me out on dates.
After bringing me to see his friends.
After saying he missed me.
After making me feel like there was really something possible here.
After leading me on.

Was I wrong to think that it could be going somewhere? Or was I really just misreading all the signs? Who does all of these without clarifying that they aren't actually looking for commitment?

And I was his friend..

I was genuine with my feelings.
I was genuine with all I said and all I did.
I was entirely genuine..
Yet he was not.

If he really just wanted a fling, why did it have to be me.

The way I feel used, played and betrayed.
The way my heart hurts so much.

I just know he doesn't feel the same and that's so unfair.


And to think he didn't even say sorry.